How are you doing?

I ran into a friend at work a few days ago and promised I would write more. I also promised a friend from church and I have been TERRIBLE about it. So to them I say I'm sorry.

I know there were people who were concerned and thinking of me around the year anniversary of Kendra's death. I am grateful to know that people care. It means a lot to me.

On the one year anniversary of my babies death I had a day just like any other day. I felt a little astonished that it had already been a full year since we said our goodbyes.  I still hear her little voice in my head telling me, "mommy, I don't want you to be sad." She said those words to me on a night shortly after her first chemo treatment when I was feeling particularly sad about the idea of her dying.  I have no doubt in my mind that her little soul is standing there whispering in my ear during those times when I am feeling particularly desperate to see her little face and hold her close again.

I think I got off easily on the one year anniversary. The last couple of days have been a bit rough. I look at the video montage of Kendra and I think how could God take that precious little girl from me because I needed her so much, and then I realize he needed her too and she earned glory in the life to come. I guess it sucks to be me.

I often think how glad I am that she will never know the malice of the world outside my front door. I am so grateful that she will only know the joy and love of being with our savior. And I am so grateful that I have a testimony of a life after death and the pure love of Christ because with out the thought that I will see her again I am not so sure I would be coping as well as I do, most of the time.